Behind the scenes with the REAL Santa

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Behind the scenes with the REAL Santa

Mr. Klaus preps for his first official appearance at DVHS

Mr. Klaus preps for his first official appearance at DVHS

Santa Claus

Mr. Klaus preps for his first official appearance at DVHS

Santa Claus

Santa Claus

Mr. Klaus preps for his first official appearance at DVHS

Tyler Parker, Entertainment Writer

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Deep into this bustling holiday season, I found myself trekking deep into the harsh environments of the North Pole. With nothing but a small hoodie (and some warm thoughts) I managed to find Santa’s home village. This was the interview of a lifetime. I had no time to waste. I made my way to his door and explained myself. “Hello, you probably know my name, Mr. Kringle, but I’m Tyler Parker, a student from Deer Valley High School all the way from Arizona. I walked (and swam) all the way here to ask you some questions for my school website.” 

He didn’t look bothered at all, in fact he let me in for the interview with open arms. He somehow knew. Anyways, here are the questions and their respective answers.

Tyler: “How is preparation for Christmas, what are some of the struggles?”

Santa: “Preparation for Christmas is going smoothly especially when you’ve pulled it off for thousands of years, so we are always on time. The only struggles we’ve had is keeping up with technology. I had to send the elves to engineering school to teach them to make iPhones and AirPods.”

Tyler: “Does it really take all year, or does Santa get some down time?”

Santa: “Yes, I do get bit of downtime right after Christmas, as do the elves. We even took a nice trip to Hawaii last year. Turns out I burn easily. Need SPF 100 to keep myself safe.”

Tyler: “How is Mrs. Clause, and in what way does she help?”

Santa: “She’s the organizer behind the Christmas hustle, you could even say ‘the behind the scenes CEO.’ She relishes the opportunity to be able to make sure everything runs smoothly.”

Tyler: “Does your annual cookie consumption affect your health in any way? Does Santa work out?”

Santa: “It does. Santa has had to go on medication a couple of times. I’m not saying every house has to have cookies, but I’ll take broccoli and ranch as well. The constant shoveling of reindeer poop is a actually a great workout. They poop more than anyone realizes.”

Tyler: “Okay now this question I’m asking for a friend. Are the elves enslaved, or do they work willingly?”

Santa kicks off the holiday season at DVHS with a visit to Stugo’s Holiday party for staff families.

Santa: “To begin, the person who asked that is definitely on the naughty list. The Elves do work willingly. Although, they have created a Union, which is getting stronger. It demands better work times and such, which I am providing. The only problem is I’ve had to hire more elves to compensate for the down time I’m giving the others.”

Tyler: “Does the North Pole ever get too cold for you?”

Santa: “Ho Ho No… Thanks to the amount cookies I eat every year, I have developed a holly jolly layer of insulation to keep myself warm.”

Tyler: “Do you have internet, or are you off the grid?”

Santa: “My Internet is sporadic unfortunately, although it does make for a better work-life balance. When the internet shuts down it becomes all business.”

 Tyler: “How do you deal with the anti-Santa movement? Has it caused you or your image any harm?”

Santa: “This is where the sporadic internet comes in handy. The constant fluctuations of the internet working and not working has kept me away from all of that. Although, I don’t think anyone really complains about me come Christmas Day. Even if not, I don’t care about what people think really. What I care about is love and charity, and making sure that it’s spread across the world. For that is the true meaning of Santa.”

Tyler: “Finally, what is the ideal Christmas for you?”

Santa: “The Ideal Christmas for me is taking my boots off, and eating a nice ginger snap. Also sipping on hot cocoa with Mrs. Clause by my side, happy in one another’s company.”

With that final question, he thanked me for stopping by, and took me on a sleigh ride home. No more swimming through the Arctic waters for me. I hope this shows everyone the kind and wonderful soul behind this jolly mythical icon. And to all of you reading, Happy Holidays. I am Tyler Parker, and this was my interview with Santa.

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