My irrational fears

My irrational fears

Abigail Bauman, Editor in Chief

Disclaimer: Here lies a bunch of dumb tangents.

Everyone has irrational fears. I figure if I write out some of my biggest irrational fears, not only will it help me realize how stupid they are, but if you have similar fears you won’t feel alone. One of my biggest fears involves flossing. I floss daily—if my dentist is reading this (which I don’t know why he would), I promise I’m not lying. Every time I floss I have a fear that I’m going to slice through my gums and it will become infected and all my teeth will need to be removed. I’m hoping that my future dentures will be modeled after Freddie Mercury or Austin Powers, just to spice things up a bit.

I’m scared of falling in some stupid way and hitting my neck in just the right spot and becoming paralyzed. Will I be the next Million Dollar Baby? Probably not, but it could happen. If it does happen I just hope that Clint Eastwood is there.

If you know me you know I have a thing about hair. If your hair is not attached to your head I will vomit. Hair found on the floor, in food, or anything similar to this makes me gag. The salon is an actual nightmare for me. I’m scared that there will be a hair in my mouth and when I try to pull it out, it won’t stop. A never ending hair will be pulled from my throat, Grudge style.

I’m scared that if I order sushi or some other meat at a restaurant they’ll bring it out and it’ll still have its face. I could not look an animal in the face while I eat its body, I’m not a monster. I refuse to look an animal in the eyes and then proceed to swallow its flesh. I don’t understand how someone can look at a moving lobster and choose to eat it. That to me is like picking out a goldfish at the story, naming it Goldie, looking it in its orange little face, and then swallowing it whole.

In conclusion, all of my fears are really stupid and will probably never happen. I thought that typing them out would help me realize how dumb my fears are and honestly this has just made it worse. Hopefully I’m not alone in my really dumb fears.